I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
