yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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