If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
