White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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