I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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