If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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