Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
