porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
