i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
