Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
