Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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