PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
