You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
