Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
