dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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