so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
