TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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