Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wear drunk well.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
