my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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