So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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