this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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