My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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