but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
