Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
