I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
