I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
