Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
