Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
