just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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