Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
