Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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