puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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