So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
