do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
