john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
