I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
