A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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