Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
