i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
