This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
