I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
