He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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