I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
