I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
