hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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