Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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