So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
