I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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