you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
