Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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