So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
