Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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