Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
